Tag: relationships

“Loving a Liar”: When Hiding Becomes a Survival Skill

December 31, 2025

We don’t talk enough about what it means to love someone who is lying, not because they’re malicious, but because they’re terrified.

Terrified of being rejected.
Terrified of losing family, career, community, or safety.
Terrified of being fully seen.

In Dee Carr’s short “Loving a Liar,” we’re invited to look beyond the surface of deception and into the emotional architecture behind it. And when we connect this to the LGBTQ community, the conversation becomes even more urgent.

Because the truth is this:

Some people aren’t lying to deceive you. They’re lying to survive you.

The Code-Switching Closet

For many LGBTQ people, athletes, politicians, entertainers, clergy, business owners, and everyday folks, life becomes a constant performance. A carefully curated version of themselves is presented to the world, while their true identity stays tucked away, waiting for a safer moment that may never come.

This isn’t just “being private.”
This is code-switching as self‑protection.

It’s the athlete who dates publicly but loves privately.
The pastor who preaches authenticity but fears living his own.
The business owner who avoids pronouns in every conversation.
The entertainer who smiles on stage but cries in the dressing room.
The everyday person who edits their life to fit someone else’s comfort.

And the people who love them?
They often end up loving a version of someone that isn’t fully real, not because that person is dishonest, but because the world has taught them that honesty is dangerous.

The Emotional Cost

Loving someone who is hiding can feel like loving a ghost, present, but not fully here.

But imagine the cost on the other side:

  • Carrying two identities
  • Monitoring every word
  • Performing every day
  • Living in fear of exposure
  • Feeling unworthy of real love

This isn’t lying for manipulation.
This is lying for survival.

And survival shouldn’t have to look like this.

What Does Love Look Like Here?

Love, in this context, becomes a bridge, not a demand.

It asks:

  • How can I make space for your truth?
  • How can I be a safe place for your becoming?
  • How can we build a relationship where honesty isn’t a risk?

Love doesn’t force someone out of hiding.
Love creates a world where hiding is no longer necessary.

Let’s Talk About It

This is where you come in.

Have you ever loved someone who was afraid to be themselves?
Have you ever BEEN that person?
What does safety look like for you?
What does honesty cost in your world?

Drop your thoughts in the comments, your voice might be the one someone else needs to hear.

And if conversations like this matter to you, hit subscribe so you don’t miss the next post in this series inspired by Dee Carr’s powerful shorts.

Addressing Key Issues in the Black Community

January 7, 2025

The Black community, like any other, faces a unique set of challenges and dynamics. Among these are the tensions between Black men and Black women, the lack of support for Black businesses, and the broader issue of supporting other ethnicities over their own. Understanding these issues and working towards unity is crucial for the community’s growth and prosperity.

The Feud Between Black Men and Black Women

One of the most pressing issues is the perceived feud between Black men and Black women. This tension often manifests in negative stereotypes, mutual distrust, and a lack of support for one another. Several factors contribute to this discord:

  1. Historical Trauma: The legacy of slavery, segregation, and systemic racism has left deep scars. These historical traumas have disrupted family structures and created a cycle of mistrust and resentment.
  2. Media Representation: Negative portrayals of Black men and women in the media perpetuate harmful stereotypes. These portrayals can influence how individuals perceive and interact with each other.
  3. Economic Pressures: Economic disparities and job insecurity can strain relationships. When individuals are struggling to make ends meet, it can lead to frustration and conflict within the community.

To address these issues, it’s essential to foster open and honest communication, promote positive representations, and support economic empowerment initiatives that benefit both Black men and women.

Lack of Support for Black Businesses

Another significant issue is the lack of support for Black-owned businesses. Despite the growing number of Black entrepreneurs, many Black businesses struggle to thrive due to limited patronage from their own community. Several reasons contribute to this phenomenon:

  1. Awareness: Many people are simply unaware of the Black-owned businesses in their area. Increasing visibility through social media, community events, and directories can help.
  2. Trust: There may be a lack of trust in the quality or reliability of Black-owned businesses. Building a reputation for excellence and reliability is crucial.
  3. Economic Barriers: Black-owned businesses often face challenges in accessing capital and resources. Supporting initiatives that provide financial assistance and mentorship can make a significant difference.

Encouraging the community to prioritize supporting Black-owned businesses can lead to economic growth and self-sufficiency.

Supporting Other Ethnicities Over Their Own

It’s not uncommon to see members of the Black community supporting businesses and initiatives from other ethnicities more than their own. This can be attributed to several factors:

  1. Perceived Quality: There may be a perception that businesses from other ethnicities offer better quality or value. Addressing this requires Black-owned businesses to consistently deliver high-quality products and services.
  2. Cultural Influence: The influence of other cultures through media and marketing can sway consumer preferences. Promoting and celebrating Black culture can help shift this dynamic.
  3. Accessibility: Sometimes, businesses from other ethnicities are more accessible or convenient. Ensuring that Black-owned businesses are easily accessible and well-marketed is essential.

Moving Forward Together

To overcome these challenges and foster unity within the Black community, several steps can be taken:

  1. Promote Positive Representation: Highlighting positive stories and role models within the community can help combat negative stereotypes and build mutual respect.
  2. Support Economic Empowerment: Investing in Black-owned businesses and encouraging entrepreneurship can create economic opportunities and reduce disparities.
  3. Foster Open Dialogue: Creating spaces for open and honest conversations about the issues facing the community can lead to greater understanding and collaboration.
  4. Celebrate Black Culture: Embracing and celebrating Black culture through events, media, and education can strengthen community bonds and pride.

By addressing these issues and working together, the Black community can build a stronger, more united future. It’s a collective effort that requires commitment, empathy, and a shared vision for progress.